Whispers into the universe

 It makes me so unbearably sad that I never got to celebrate the holidays with you. 

Notes to self

 You are perfect and worthy of love the way you are. You will never be too much or too little for the right person. And if they say you are, then they aren't right for you, let them go. 

Breathe in, you're ok. Breathe out, let it go.

It still hurts sometimes, but today, I'm breathing out and letting you go. 

I hope you'll be happy. 

I know I am. 

With/Without You

I had never fallen for someone as hard and as fast as I did you. I gave you everything I had. I remember the beginning like it was yesterday - the Chelsea cutler concert, those bedroom eyes, the walks on the pier, us dancing, that feeling...like I could tell you anything, that I could be anything. 

When you felt like my safe space.

But it hasn't felt like that in awhile, and I don't know if it was all an illusion, if any of it was real.

How can I miss someone so much while knowing that they were so bad for me? 

P.S. Spotify, how did you know?

P.P.S. 

At the end of the day, if someone wants to be in your life, they will be. Truly - if they are capable, they will make the effort, and they will show up. If they do not - let that be your closure. However, you do not have to hate them. You do not have to remember their contribution to your life as anything but beautiful. Do not ruin them in your mind, do not grip until you feel resentment. Instead, love them without attachment. Love the lessions they taught you. Wish them well every single time you think about them. Miss them, but do not ache for them to come back. If the people in your life left because they were not ready to value you, or love you, or be there for you, do not wish for them back, do not ask for them to be more than they can be at the moment. Wish for them to figure themselves out. Wish for them to grow. They are on their own journey - a journey you are not a part of. And that is okay. You have to learn that that is okay. 

So instead of focusing on the people who left, focus on the people in your life who have chosen to be there. Focus on the ones who stayed, on the ones who appreciate you and respect you. Focus on the people who match the love you give them, focus on the people who empower you and grow you and make your life beautiful. You are surrounded by human beings who know that they want you in their life, people who show you that every single day. Don't take them for granted. Don't lose touch with what you have, chasing what you no longer do. 

Do not close yourself off to your potential. Instead, open yourself to the world, and allow for it to fill that space with the kinds of people, the kinds of moments, and the kinds of experiences that exhilarate you, that compel you - that make you love yourself, and your life, and what you have to offer, more and more each day.  

I have treated you with nothing but patience, kindness, and consideration. And your failure to appreciate and recognize that hurts. But you know what, I'm proud of myself - for being the person that I wanted to be.