Faith

I've put myself out there for you and I'm hoping that you'll rise above your darker self. The part of you that's hurt, scared, angry and cynical. I'm hoping that you'll find the courage and strength to keep going, to love and to trust. 

I have faith in you. 

Catch-22

My heart is exhausted.

How do you stand in front of someone you love and tell them about all the parts of yourself you believe make you unworthy of love?

How do you do that?

On entitlement and expectations

Where does accepting only what you think you deserve end and entitlement begin?

Maybe someday we will learn to love again

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place” - Iain Thomas

How do we learn to love again? How do we put down the baggage that life and unkind handlers have thrust on our backs and walk light footed into the light? How can we take that leap of faith when we're weighed down by past pain and disappointment? How do we not poison every new relationship with the doubts and cynicism that we have learnt to wear like an invisibility cloak around our hearts, a shield against the pain that had kept us up at night crying.

I love you, and I would do a lot to make you happy. but I cannot save you from the cynicism in your heart. And if you don't want to or cannot put down that cynicism, my love will never be enough, and I need to walk away from this. 

I'm rooting for you. for us. 

Dear 2017

2016 was a year of resolutions and difficult decisions, it was a year of holding faith in the face of challenges and trying to find (and at times, be) the light while staring down an abyss, not truly knowing what would be on the other side.

It was a year of losing and finding confidence; deciding who to keep in my life and who I'd be better off letting go. Looking back at it from the other side, the decisions were for the best, and in their wake comes tough but important lessons in holding fast to who I am, while remaining open in the strive to be a better person. To practise kindness, to others and to myself; and that as much as we are a culmination of our past experiences, molded by life's unrelenting fires, it is empowering to remember that at any point, we get to choose differently - we get to choose who we want to be.
So this year, I choose to be kind, brave, open, grateful and giving.

2016 was my 25th year. I feel old, yet recognise that I'm still young in the larger scheme of things. As I cross my quarter century mark, I feel like I'm standing on the cusp of a new age. With each passing year, I feel like I leave a little more of my childhood behind, stepping further into this mysterious land called adulthood. Expectations are different here. The things that I've grown so comfortable with in my youth dont quite apply in this realm. As we transition from a youth to an adult, we begin to take more responsbility for ourselves and the people we have chosen to care for. yet I havent inhibited these lands long enough to lose the instinct to run back to being that child, expecting to be cared for and loved. But part of growing up is recognising that I can stand on my own, that I'm not the helpless child in need of protection and care that we all once were. and while I believe that we never lose that inner child, we also grow more capable of caring for ourselves and for others.

Workwise, I am grateful for the opportunities 2016 has given me. Hosting the Global Probono Summit where I got to share my vision for the sector with the local leaders in the scene, to speaking at the Trendswatching Conference. From running a design thinking workshop for youth around the region with World Vision International, to doing a development project in Cambodia. This year has been a bit of a rollar coaster ride, but to be able to say that we have turned the company around; pivoting to a new business model, launching a new business unit, working with new and bigger clients and ultimately quatripling last year's earned revenue, I can only count our blessings and thank the world for being kind to us. I am grateful for the people who have believed in me, and the team that has supported me. I could not have done any of this without you, and if there is success to be had, it surely belongs to us all, for only when we walk together are we able to go far. Beyond all else, I am grateful to be doing something that I believe in, and to be given a platform to create the change I want to see in the world.

So 2017, in line with living life with intention and as I think about the future I want to create, it is my hope that these will be guiding lights in the often unpredictable journey:

1. Figure out if I want to do development as a career

2. Get back into dancing

3. Visit a country that I've never been to before

4. Learn to be less defensive

5. Lose 3 kg by March

6 Commit to spanish class

7. Learn to be more honest and open about my feelings and needs

8. Be brave

“Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement that something is more important than fear; The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all.”

Dear friends, once again I thank you. For all that you have given me and for being such an integral part of my journey. so often I can't help but feel that I am merely stumbling blindly, and there is no greater comfort than to have you hold my hand in the darkness and to celebrate with me in the moments of light. I am infinitely grateful for all of you, for the joy and laughter you bring to my life, and the trust and counsel that we share, and I can only hope that I have been as a good a friend to all of you as you have been to me.

2017, I am more than a little nervous, but excited to see what you bring!