2011 felt like it was going to last forever. and now that it's over, it's a slow and surprising realisation just how amazing 2011 was.

In terms of experiences, this year i've had many great ones. Princeton in february was beautiful - all gorgeous gothic architecture and gargoyles.What I remember most from my first time in New York is simply the walking. Walking down the streets of Saks Fifth avenue with towering skyscrapers on both sides, feeling small yet invincible at the same time; traipsing through Central Park, cloaked in snow. I will always remember New York for the buzz, the buzz of energy - and I'm not sorry for being such a cliche -  and the buzz of possibilities. Celebrating madhu's and huiying's birthday with an impromptu party filled with donuts and cupcake wine was a fantastic way to end of our journey. 

Worldmun S'pore, almost immediately after, was a crazy experience. Clubbing almost every night to wake up at 7 30am for committee sessions, I would say it was the very epitome of what it means to party hard and work hard. Between the resolutions, roll-calling, advent s'pore culture (tourism) and neon lights, I will always remember Worldmun S'pore for being the one event that showed me how big things could get and how much amazingness can be created. I am infinitely proud of what Singaporeans and Singapore created and happy to have played a, albeit small, part. Worldmun will also always remain significant to me for the friends I made. I must admit that I went into it not expecting to make any real long lasting friends, but to my surprise I made two, and for that I am grateful.

Summer will always be remembered for the most awesome roadtrip ever. the blue skies, the beaches, the winding roads, the american top 40 hits - a certain sweet smell of freedom filled the air. it was a week of being in a different place everyday, waking up to different sights, going to sleep to different sounds. the only constant was you, and you held that week together, like how you held me together so often in the past 2 and a half years. Chicago was different but no less beautiful - navy pier is my kinda happy place and the chicago skyline by night is really quite beautiful. Being separate and apart for so long, it was also nice to be a part of your life there for even a short while; to think, this is the bed you slept on, here, these are the people who made you, you, here, these are the places that filled your days, here, these are the things you touched, smelled, felt, heard, saw, here, when you were 9 thousand miles away from me. I am honoured to have been there during your graduation. 3 years of gruelling hard work, of a never give up attitude, of getting through all the essays, assignments and school stress by telling yourself not hard not fun has finally paid off and i couldnt be more proud of you. Now, go out there and kick ass! 

Summer will also always be remembered for the crazy planning, rushing around and dreaming that culminates into Oweek. The lessons learnt from that experience were many - i learnt the importance of vision, the need to be flexible; to be on your toes and to get comfortable with uncertainty. Personally, I also learnt that I was capable of whatever I put my determination to (regardless of how little time i had, or how impossible it seemed). I also learnt more about my shortcomings and that it's really not good to let stubborness get in the way. Most importantly, I learnt how important the people in my team are, and i couldnt have asked for a better team to join me on this crazy adventure. As i have said many times before, I couldnt have done it without all of you. 

the previous semester was a hectic one, and the experiences more personal. It was a semester of intense self-doubt and a slow and painful process of learning that the confident face you turn to the world isnt always the same as having confidence in yourself. It was a mad period of doing applications after applications, with my desire to make the full use of my university time driving me to pursue as many opportunities as I can. A certain weariness has set in and the question of what I want to do with my life is haunting me now, more than it ever has before. I am starting to fear that i'll never find that passion, that feeling of contentment, knowing that i'm doing what i am meant to do, but i guess that's something to ponder as I grow into 2012.

the second half of 2011 was also a period of adjustment and difficult questions. trying to figure who i was against who you are. trying to figure out who we are when there arent nine thousand miles between us. but i love you, and we want this, bad, and that alone has brought us through it all. i guess through the ups and downs, the crazy times and the moments when we wonder and wander, we can only hang on - to life, to ourselves and to each other.

2011 has been a roller-coaster ride, and I cant wait to see what 2012 holds.

See y'all, on the other side :)

we feel because only the living can

I'm writing this here, so that i'll remember.

So that if i ever feel this way again, i'll know, that the feelings arent new or unique, and that i've been through it before, and come out better on the other side.

Does it hurt? Does it hurt when you have to face the fact that a dream has died, that something you really really wanted was not going to happen anymore? 

Yes it does. It is always going to hurt. 

it is going to feel like a you died a little inside, like something deep within you is gone.

You are going to wonder why me and you will ask yourself why the world is unfair, why others could have what you could not, when you wanted it more, deserved it more, dreamed of it more?

You are going to feel scared. Scared that you'll go through this again, because it hurts more than anything else in the world, and you dont ever want to feel this way.

and you will be tempted. Tempted to resolve that you will never put yourself through this again. That you would rather not dream, not desire, not want if a possible outcome is to feel the pain and the loss that you are feeling now. 

But, (like so many things in this world, there is a huge but here)

know that you promised yourself that you will experience and feel everything in life to the fullest. that every overwhelming joy, uplifting happiness and restless excitement is made possible by the same things that enable suffocating grief, dark loss and shadowed fears. 

That we feel because only the living can.

Sam, you're crazy

Get over yourself.

antsyness

there's a mess in my head and an itch in my bones.

the restlessness is there, it always is. Sometimes it fades into the background, sometimes it's so faint, it is little more than a shadow.
But it's there, it always is.

i dont know what it is that i'm looking for, or whether i'll find it.
i dont know if it's out there or if it even exists.
but right now it feels like my skin cant contain the whole of me, that sth deep inside is struggling to get out.

and i cant put it into words, i cant tell you what the problem is, because i dont know. and as i slowly fall apart and put myself together day by day, i need you to be patient, to sit and understand that all the silent moments in between? is me trying to unscramble the hairball of thoughts in my head.

I need you to be a friend, a soulmate and a lover all at once.

it is at times like these that i realise how lonely i am.
our worlds are built around the connections that we make to the people around us, and i feel like i've lost a lot of connections along the way and i cant seem to open up myself enough to make new ones. and that leaves me with a whole bunch of loose ends, like telephone wires with nothing on the other side.

i really should be writing my paper, but my head seems muddled as an african river and everyone knows that writing in that condition will only produce a paper just as bad.

so much thoughts swirling around in my head, some i see clearly others i barely dare look straight at. 

so much uncertainty, so much fear, so much expectations (i barely even knew was there).

As i struggle to convince myself that the world doesnt revolve around me and that for once in my life i need to learn to be supportive and understanding, i'm only now starting to realise how difficult it is.

am i simply being selfish? should i just breathe, take it in and hope it will all pass? i dont know what to do. 

i'm blogging again. it's been a slow but sure discovery that with the wound that hurts in the middle of the night the cure has to come from the same place it heals.

i take great comfort in the words of others when I cant find my own - and then i feel less alone.

100 years

a 247 day journey

the oweek com has been planning oweek since December last year and trust me when I say it felt like forever. So standing here now, at the end of oweek, I’m feeling relieved but also a little sad and nostalgic.

Right from the onset, we had a clear idea of what we wanted oweek to achieve, we wanted it to fun yet informative, we wanted you to make close friends who will follow you through these 4 years yet feel a part of the larger USP community that we have all come to love. And not least of all, we wanted to reach out to a more diverse group of people beyond the typical rah rah camp type.

Planning the very first oweek held in the RC also meant that we felt the need to give you a glimpse of  the possibilities of residential living and the kind of activities the physical space of the RC can provide for.     

But planning oweek wasn’t easy, we fought hard to have oweek in the RC when we were told that we not have been able to do so. Halfway through planning, we also realized the enorminity of the task before us. 

but we’ve pushed on and seeing all of you enjoying yourselves during this past four days has made everything worth it. From the way you guys hid under boxes and broke the ice during station games, to people asking to go again and again and again..and again for night games. From the surprised looks on your faces when you saw the amount of food your ogls have prepared, or the way you would run after the sky lantern as it hovers in the air, and cheer when it finally lifts off with all your wishes for the year. I was also really happy to see that tea seminars gave some of you a chance to hear about topics that you’re deeply interested in. I have to mention the 2 sargas freshies who we thought got lost but were eventually found talking to Alvin tan about the arts scene in Singapore for over an hour.

Lastly, I hope that you’ve had a chance to get to know your seniors over pillowtalk, over interlevel games on the 3^rd day, and more about the activities and the opportunities that USP offers during the various talks.

There are a lot of people who have helped make Oweek such a success. First of all, I’d like to thank the USP administration and faculty for their support and faith in us (especially in allowing us run amok in their new building) I would like to thank the acad cell and peer mentors for helping out with the breakout acad talks, all the seniors who came down to share their stories. shawn, enoch and augustin, our photographers for making memories. I’d also like to thank ALL the OGLs, especially cogls (Danielle, nigel, weixin, Michele, Michel and divya). You guys have been amazing, and we could not have done it without you.

Most of all, I wanna thank the people who have really been there for me, and without whom this oweek wouldn’t even be in existence. I wanna thank Siow Yu for taking care  of  all the administrative things that would have just drove me nuts, I wanna thank Joe for always being the first to offer help, for running a wonderful nightgame (and for making sure that all the IT/AV equipment is running smoothly) I want thank Li Ann, for planning such a spectacular picnic and for your patience with planning all the acad talks, Alwyn for the most interesting ideas and for always having a solution to my problems, Jolena for your enthusiasm and support throughout the planning and Rachel for always always having my back. Oweek comm., you guys have been so amazing and I couldn’t have ask for a better team

Gaius, your reply here.

Because google say  Your HTML cannot be accepted: Must be at most 4,096 characters. So here it is!



Ya i read this. (the note was written by a dhs teacher btw!). was pretty struck by this guy's comment too.

pt 1. i have read through (briefly) the WP manifesto and compared it to the PAP's. interestingly, they do not deviate very much on substantial matters, so much so that it should not be called opposition party but rather improvement party. WP tends to stick with what the PAP has in place and merely suggests how these existing schemes can be improved. Although i disagree with a few of their policy proposals, (e.g. removal of ethnic quotas), I do see some useful proposals (e.g. Informal workers should receive their WIS payments without any preliminary Medisave contributions. A portion of their WIS payments should be in cash) such that i dont think they warrant being called "idiots". So in that sense, i dont think the WP's only contribution is to "slap the driver". it does bring interesting suggestions to the table that improves the policies that PAP suggests rather than seek a complete overhaul of these policies. Also, his imagery of an endless cycle of slapping belies reality. checks and balances work in a mutual not transitive manner(i.e. the PAP and the opposition serve to check each other - that's why it's called checks & BALANCES). lastly the role of incumbent is not to account for the work of civil servents, esp if these politicians are the ones who set the policy direction in the first place as ministers are want to do.

pt 2. he's assuming that ppl only focus on short term self-interest which is debatable (but i will not debate that here). even assuming this is true, the job of the government is to manage the different interests of various sectors and come up with the best possible solution. "Every rational citizen under 8k income dont want the ceiling raised. Every rational citizen from 8k-11k income wants the ceiling raised" - but if HBD is intending to build more flats to accommodate the rise in numbers from raising the income ceiling, this will make both groups happy hence the issue is govt policy. Furthermore, the raising of ceiling is also argued upon the fact that cost of living has increased while the ceiling has not and therefore surely there should be a readjustment of that ceiling to take in inflation, esp if incomes are not rising as fast. "Every rational citizen who owns a home wants prices to go up faster, every rational citizen without a home wants prices to stay still." things are not so simplistic. homeowners who are happy with their homes (much like your family if i can be presumptuous and assume so) will not be affected by price changes. homeowners who are looking to downgrade when they retire (let's say from a 4 room flat to a 2 room flat) will also not be affected much. it is only homeowners who wish to upgrade (presumably to private housing) who will want hdb prices to go up. private housing homeowners will not be directly affected either way. So, as in the case of conflicting interests of different sectors(which btw, is not a condition unique to singaporeans but applies to every freaking country) it is the govt's call to ensure that policies serve the interests of the majority and to really question what the purpose of public housing is (to make housing affordable or to allow ppl to make profits off it?). hence, it is NOT "a shouting competition where the loudest "opposition" is heard and automatically becomes right later". it is not the loudest opposition that matters, but the most in number. which also explains why  democracy is largely called the rule of the majority.

pt 3. this point is just plain stupid."Before elections, the younger singaporeans want a young voice in govt. Elections came, they clinically disected the 1st under 30 pseudo-politician that was presented" we did not clinically disect the 1st under 30 pseudo-politician because she's under 30. we disected her because she seemed immature and (in my case) cos she said that income inequality was not the responsibility of the govt which made us highly doubt her ability in representing the people in parliament. thanks guy-who-wrote-this-note for your condescension towards the youth of Singapore and for dismissing very valid arguments. i dare say if she shows herself worthy over the next 5 years we will retract our criticism. yes for some people, there is an inherent bias against whatever the pap does. however, this is limited to a percentage of the population (young and old) and stands around say 30%(?) and there is a corresponding percentage of die-hard PAP supporters. so they effect cancel out. the opposition's job is not "easy". it has to work arduously to sway the 40-50% of swing voters if it every hopes to get a majority (which is all that matters in this first-past-the-post system). So yes, they may be able to "do nth and pull 33% of the votes" but if they cant pull the other 18% there is no point.

conclusion (1) singaporeans dont hate other singaporeans, singaporeans hate a govt that is unable to reconcile the needs and interests of singaporeans and come up with a policy that satisfactorily benefits the general population of the country. and that is the job of the govt of EVERY 1st world country.

(2)not substantiated. over generalisation. while this may be true of some, it is definitely not true of the whole population as there are ppl who have done volunteer work/donated. besides, while i cant say i buy into unfettered socialism, i will say that such acts of charity cannot systematically help the poor and there is a need for a "system wide measure" this is also sth that the PAP recognises which is why we have People Assistance schemes. it's not a matter of should or should not, it's a matter of how much.

(3) YES! FINALLY A POINT I CAN AGREE WITH. THANK YOU.

PS. WP manifesto expressly says "WP’s long-term aim is to form the government"

What this GE means to my generation

Last semester, I wrote a paper on the materialist values that prevail here, and why despite the economic security of most Singaporeans, our people have failed to move beyond such focus on material welfare to pursue post-materialist values. Political Scientist Robert Inglehart theorises that rising prosperity would gradually liberate the publics of advanced industrial societies from the stress of basic acquisitive or materialistic needs allowing them to pursue values that emphasised autonomy and self-expression. This, i argued, was clearly not seen in most Singaporeans because of  2 things. firstly, having an economy that developed within the span of a generation leads to a lack of inter-generational values change. This means that the beliefs (and insecurities) of the older generation still make up a silent majority resulting in continual support for the incumbent. Secondly, the ruling party's legitimacy is grounded in material provision and the institutional dominance of the government has allowed it to sustain this perception through a creation of a society and country which places inordinate emphasis on material welfare and rewards the pursuit of wealth at the cost of other values like equity. This leads to a cycle of increasingly materialist Singaoreans resulting in greater support for PAP which further promotes such materialism.This implies that as long as a majority of Singaporeans live comfortably and benefit from economic growth, the PAP will not find support wanting. I remember concluding (rather pessimistically) that change in Singapore and the Singaporean mindset is difficult and unlikely in the near future. Little did i know then, that the General Elections 2011 could possibly be the fork in the road between a future of the same or one that will prove me wrong.


The General Elections 2011 in significant in 2 ways.


1. there is an unprecedented strength in opposition both in terms of calibre and numbers. on nomination day, it was announced that all GRCs and SMCs (except Tanjong Pagar) are being contested, leaving the incumbents and the opposition to fight for 82 out of 87 seats in Parliament. This is unprecedented in the history of Singapore since the PAP came into power in 1959 (though as someone kindly pointed out, the PAP were once the opposition). We have also seen an increase in high calibre candidates joining the political battle, with defecting government scholars and highly qualified private sector individuals (with degrees to match any ivy-league/oxbridge toting PAP candidate) joining the ranks of the opposition.


2. We have seen online political activism go through the roof like never before. Given the inability for the government to control cyberspace, pro-opposition, anti-establishment advocates have found the internet to be a fertile soil for criticisms against the incumbent and in some cases ideal venting ground for political frustrations. notes have been sprouting up all over the online political, and more importantly social, landscape like mushrooms, spurring debates, be it in comments or in 1000-word counter fb notes and counter-counter fb notes.


There are a few reasons for this change in political climate. Policies in the last 5 years or so has threatened the security of bread-and-butter issues underlying the core of the materialist Singaporean. The single-minded pursuit of economic growth (which has legitimised PAP's rule for so long) has come at very high costs, largely to the lower middle income and low income families. Pro-immigration policies aimed at achieving economic growth penalises a large portion of the population in two ways. On the one hand, it increases inflation as increased consumption push prices up. on the other hand, the influx of immigrants increases competition and the unskilled, lower educated or old people who cannot compete suffers most when their wages are pushed down or rendered unemployed. Training programmes (which is the main PAP solution) have not made this sector of the population any more able to compete and without any social security policy in place, it is inevitable that these people will find it harder to survive as prices go up and their incomes go down. The middle income class too, while do not suffer the effects as much, find themselves sandwiched between not being poor enough to be eligible for subsidies like education bursaries yet not rich enough to make a comfortable home and good education for their children affordable.


Generational change has also slowly eroded the proportion of the older silent majority as they give way to a new generation of more educated youth who have grown accustomed to economic security, leaving them free to develop post-material ideals. Coupled with their dependence on online media for information (traditionally dominated by cynical, anti-establishment sentiments), the potent mix of a rising believe in notions of justice, equality, and political development, and exposure to a few well argued blogs on the flaws of the incumbent explains the exponential rise of pro-opposition sentiments amongst the young.


In 2011, the two social occurrences have converged, resulting in conditions that threaten the mandate of the ruling Party, not merely in terms of its ability to provide materially, but also in terms of the legitimacy of the very ideas and assumptions that have been the cornerstone of PAP rule for so long. This explains the explosion of political activism seen in this elections.

While this heralds greater political awareness and interest amongst Singaporeans, especially the youth, the diffusion of political  discourse from blogs and websites to social media like facebook and youtube is a diffusion of what used to be restricted to the elite and the specialised to the average and the general (demographic biases of social media users not withstanding). Issues of politics and policy making are no longer seen to be confined to the high pedestals of academic experts or political commentators but have crossed over to the domain of the general public. 

We are seeing unprecedented political discourse in Singapore, and this could result in long standing change in the way politics and policy making is carried out here. It is possible that this window in history will lead to a redefinition of the role of citizens vis a vis the role of the government in shaping the country, to a generation that says that we are no longer happy with simply pursuing materialist values but are also willing to fight for post- materialist ones, to a citizenry that stops believing in paternalistic governance and starts believing in shared responsibility and mutual accountability. In other words, this could be the beginning of a leap of faith forward, towards a democracy not merely in name or in institution, but also in leadership and mindsets.

Here, I would like to stress that sustaining a successful democracy is a tall order. The PAP never ceases to bring up failed democracies where divisive politics along religious and racial lines have undermined the fabric of a nation, or  where bi-party or coalition governments have led to extensive inefficiencies in policy making which a small nation like Singapore can ill-afford, where ruling parties yielding to public pressure implement unsustainable populist policies that undermine the good of the nation.

As an aside, it is important to note that unsustainable populist policies and sustainable economic policies are false dichotomies (populist policies can be sustainable and economic policies unsustainable - there is nothing in either economic or populist that logically results in sustainability or non-sustainability); and people really need to stop throwing about the assumption that any populist policy is inherently unsustainable and should be avoided at all cost while any economic policy is definitely sustainable and should hence be encouraged without giving a convincing argument on a case by case basis. 

Nonetheless, because of PAP's incessant fearmongering, I am sure most Singaporeans will be familiar with examples of democratic countries that illustrate the possible flaws of democracy and i think at the heart of every Singaporean is the insecurity that for all the benefits of a liberal political system, democracy is inherently ill-suited for our unique conditions and would undermine all that we have and all that our founding fathers have worked hard to achieve. 

A successful democracy assumes a discerning electorate which makes the effort to seek out information and who are willing to at time put long term national interest above immediate self-interest. The diffusion of political discourse from few and expert to mass and public means that political debates and judgments are more susceptible to trends and fads. For every person who carefully argues and thinks through his case, there are hundreds of people just willing to bandwagon on the trend of the moment just because it is easy and popular. It is crucial that citizens take the time to fact-find, think critically about issues and understand the policy making process in place.

As a sidenote,  in Singapore, parliament does not actually make policies, it simply debates  policies that are selected by a cabinet committee. A large portion of everyday policy making is done within ministries and do not even make it to parliament, so all the wayang of PAP going on and on about the lack of concrete proposals from the opposition is moot. Policies are important as it shows us what the party believes in and interests they take into account going into parliamentary debates but all the fears about unsustainable policies, horrendous earth shattering effects that may "tear the house down" is all fearmongering because unless the PAP loses majority or an opposition party takes over the government which is unlikely in this elections, the policy making powers of the parliament is severely curtailed.

The other prerequisite is the ability to at times, put national longer term interests ahead of individual short term interests. Giving up HBD upgrading in your constituency in favour of stronger opposition in parliament as a form of check and balance is a good example, after all we're not Aljuniedites or Tampinesians, we're Singaporeans.

Furthermore, the line between individual short term interests and wider national interests are not as clearly demarcated or mutually exclusive. Giving up upgrading in an estate to put a stronger opposition in the parliament, not only acts as a check and balance, but also serves to realign government action to the interest of the common Singapore citizen. If this results in actions taken by the incumbent to curb rising costs of living, this too benefits individual self-interest. So at the end of the day, if we cannot fall back on patriotism, we can at least hope to fall back on foresight.

Singapore has lived for so long under a paternalistic dominant government which has in many ways disempowered the people (how skewed is our mainstream media? how many walkovers have we had?). Now, people are calling for greater accountability, greater freedom, greater political choice, yet how many realise that they are also calling for greater responsibility? People can no longer complain and blame the ills of Singapore, the world, their lives on the PAP, but instead will have to accept responsibility for their actions and choices. Are Singaporeans ready to do this? Can we have an electorate that is discerning, well-informed and cares for the wider national interest? I would like to think so and some well written notes floating around in cyberspace have convinced me that there is at least a portion of Singaporeans who will give democracy in Singapore a winning chance. 

Someone asked me a few days ago why I was taking this so personally. Why my reaction to the happenings of GE 2011 seems to include the emotional and not just the rational. I think the elections for me, and if i dare say, many of my generation, epitomises the battle between what we've grown up believing and what we want to believe in. it epitomizes the battle between materialism and post-materialism, between idealism and pragmatism, between the hope and the fear. We have been brought up in a society that rewards materialism and we've been told that focusing on pursuing wealth and individual self-interest is the pragmatic thing to do. We've been brought up in a society that tells us that values beyond the material like justice, like patriotism, like human dignity are idealistic and not worth pursuing. We've grown up in a society that has taught us to be risk adverse, to stay within the lines and to "not rock the boat". We've been brought up in a society that instills in us a sense of fear, of self-censorship and taught us that the best solution to that fear, was apathy. Yet, for many of us growing up in such a society, we feel a sense of emptiness, a sense that something is not right, and in our search for something more than individualism and pragmatism that has been too long conflated with materialism, the opposition cause inspires in us a hope in everything we want to believe in. however, the opposition cause also asks of us, to take a risk in the hope of an idealistic future. As we decide in this elections what is important to us, whether hope or fear wins, whether we walk down the path of the same, our beliefs and the character of my generation will be affected not only by the results of this elections, but also by the longer term responses and the effect of our political activism.


"When we wake up on 8 May, parliament may be represented by 87 PAP MPs and no opposition members. This may happen, especially if you consider how many obstacles are placed before the opposition in Singapore.

But whatever happens, please, especially the youth of Singapore, do not give up on this country."

- Pritam Singh, in his rally speech on 5 May 2011

not just another note about the general elections

much debate has been generated about the upcoming general elections.

Critics of the incumbent ruling party point towards rising price levels (most pertinently HDB prices) unmatched by an increase in real income levels, pro-immigration policies resulting in a depression of wages and the lack of accountability for mistakes made. They further point towards the exorbitantly high, and ever increasing ministerial pays, ineffective policy making to achieve anything other than growth in gdp and the lack of individual freedom. they propose that a stronger opposition will counter PAP complacency, re-align its interest and policy making to the needs of a greater portion of Singapore's population and is necessary for political (democratic) progress.

Proponents on the other hand point towards the success it has had in bringing Singapore this far, explain why the government cannot be blamed for (some of) its mistakes and that income inequality is not the responsibility of the government. they further assert that high ministerial pays are necessary to attract talent, gdp growth is the only way to ensure a stable and prosperous society and individual freedom should be constrained to maintain peace and cohesiveness in multicultural Singapore. They argue PAP is the best option because they have a monopoly over experience and that a strong opposition will only undermine the efficiency of the government.

Beyond these arguments, there has inevitably been a lot of rhetoric and irrelevant arguments going around that is not conducive to the debate about why we should vote for either one. Bringing up past historical events (e.g. ISD action) is unfair because actions taken then were under different circumstances, by a different generation of leaders and we should not hold present or future leaders responsible for something they did not do. Similarly, the current generation cannot claim credit for past successes their predecessors achieved nor is it a good reason why we should keep voting for them if current policies do not meet the needs of the people.

In my opinion, whether you support the PAP boils down to the values that you hold and what you, as a Singaporean, prioritise.

Yes, the PAP pursues GDP growth and has been undeniably successful in doing so. Pro-immigration policies make up for Singapore's ailing birth rates and sustains an economy that requires a certain critical mass to continue to grow and develop. Conservative fiscal policies maintain large reserves, low corporate tax creates a pro business environment and attracts foreign investment which keeps Singapore's economy relevant in an increasingly competitive global economy. The lack of minimum wage levels is simply an extension of this policy and mindset. The lack of individual freedom to protest maintains the stable and efficient environment that is highly attractive to international corporations and is a reason why MNCs choose Singapore over other countries in the region. All things considered, there is no denying that the government is very successful in pursuing economic growth and a majority of Singaporeans have for the longest time benefited from this. If  economic growth is what you rank at the top of your priorities, then yes, you are likely to be pro-PAP.

on the other hand, the single-minded pursuit of economic growth has come at very high costs, largely to the lower middle income and low income families. The very same pro-immigration policies aimed at achieving economic growth also penalises this sector of the population in two ways. On the one hand, it increases inflation though increased spending, which causes prices to go up. on the other hand, the influx of immigrants increases competition and it is the unskilled, lower educated or old people who cannot compete who suffers the most when the influx of foreign workers pushes down their wages or renders them unemployed. Training programmes (which is the PAP's sole solution) have not made this sector of the population any more able to compete and without any social security policy in place, it is inevitable that these people will find it harder to survive as prices go up and their incomes go down. The middle income class too, while do not suffer the effects as much, find themselves sandwiched between not being poor enough to be eligible for subsidies like education bursaries yet not rich enough to make a comfortable home and good education for their children affordable. The CPF, the only form of government policy that the people can rely on in their old age is proportionate to their income and is merely a projection of their economic status i.e. the poor will get poorer (due to loss of income) and the rich will continue living comfortably. Without a pension scheme or a social welfare policy, there is no guarantee that the old will be provided for in their retirement. it is not surprising then that there is a widening income gap between those who've benefited from economic growth and those who have suffered for it. If you believe that it is the government's duty to serve the needs of its people, all its people, you are likely to be anti-PAP (at least in its current form).

It is in this light that more people feel that the lack of accountability and the exorbitantly high, and ever increasing ministerial pays are objectionable. When government policies served the needs of the people and everyone benefited from economic growth, these high pays seemed less unjust. in fact, the argument that such renumeration is needed to attract talent to ensure that such policies continue, even seemed to make sense. However, when the people are giving up a part of their income to pay for a government that puts in place policies that undermines the livelihood of a substantial portion of the population, the argument for high pays start to look just slightly ludicrous.

The harshest of critics will say that this is because the ruling party has stopped caring, that their pay is pegged to gdp growth and they are self serving. Others, willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, will say that it is merely a symptom of them losing touch with people on the ground, unaware and disconnected from the troubles faced by Singaporeans. Whichever the case, the fact remains that something has to be done to re-align government policies with the needs of the people.

In the above, I have deliberately set up a false dichotomy between economic growth and justice. What I am arguing for now is that it is possible to have both - to have a government that is very good at promoting economic growth, yet is accountable to the people and recognise that their responsibility is to serve the needs of the ordinary Singaporean. I believe that a stronger opposition will do just that, by providing a means of check and balance. When people start to speak with their votes and the ruling party is reminded that they cannot get away with anything and everything, demands for policy that serve the people suddenly take on a stronger, louder voice. It reminds them that we are paying their income, that the lifestyles that they are leading, of big homes and lavish cars, are founded on the monies of the people they serve. It is funded by the hard work of the people who struggle to pay for the education of their children, who worry about what will happen to their families if they lose their jobs, who are trying desperately to make ends meet. Remember that the next time they say that income inequality is not the responsibility of the government.

Don’t love Singapore too much, or it’ll break your heart like it did mine.


amidst all the furor over the elections, amongst the fb notes and blogposts that are springing up over what is usually the barren land of the online political lanscape, that sentence really struck a chord for me.


dont love singapore too much, or it'll break your heart like it did mine.

home is wherever i'm with you

a cloak of lethargy falls over me and i want to do nothing but fall into bed, or watch mindless videos, or flip through facebook for the umpteenth time. in my head there's a voice that says, fight it sam, fight the listlessness - the lifelessness - but soon that too fades into a vague humming.

perhaps it should not be surprising given how bits of my heart are strewn across the universe. perhaps this is nothing more than an excuse.

i had a dream last night. i dreamt that i could be in two places at once - 

a phone call, and I'll be there, where the distant voice calls for me.

but i couldnt live in two places at once.
the more i lived, in the place where you are,
the more the me back home faded away.

the more i live, in the time where we're together,
the more the me now, fades away.

i dont, i dont have enough consciousness, enough energy, enough of me to be in so many places at once
i watch the clock count the minutes, the hours,
i watch the sun rise and set with the passing of the days,
but to me nothing moves. time is intermittent, it goes on forever, yet not at all.
i feel like i'm living in a world that is nothing more than a cheap imitation of what life was meant to be.

what wouldnt i give
to feel the rush of excitement in my veins,
to feel the buzzing of an energy that resonates deep within me
to see the world in technicolour rather than in sepia.

to have all that last more than the time it takes to buy a couple of drinks,
turn into one of the moshing bodies on the dance floor,
and pretend that the beat of my heart is anything like the beat of the music.

I'll follow you into the park,
through the jungle, through the dark
boy, i've never loved one like you
we'll laugh until we think we'll die, 
barefoot on a summer night
nothin' new is sweeter than with you

since you asked

This is puppy love :)

childhood loves

it's a sad day for magic.

9363.72

MILES AWAY BY CAROL ANN DUFFY I want you and you are not here. I pause in this garden, breathing the colour thought is before language into still air. Even your name is a pale ghost and, though I exhale it again and again, it will not stay with me. Tonight I make you up, imagine you, your movements clearer than the words I have you say you said before. Wherever you are now, inside my head you fix me with a look, standing here whilst cool late light dissolves into the earth. I have got your mouth wrong, but still it smiles. I hold you closer, miles away, inventing love, until the calls of nightjars interrupt and turn what was to come, was certain, into memory. The stars are filming us for no one.

words to hold on to

it was only a few days ago that i realised that i had a lot going for me. it seems like a strange thing to say, almost like saying, i realised that it is air i've been breathing all this while. but yes, amidst the mundane toils and everyday trials, i often lose sight of what i have as it gets buried under complaints (often exaggerated and overestimated i'm sure) about what i do not have. This recognition brought with it a certain queer sense of satisfaction and peace. it made me realise that a lot of these "troubles" that i have so pointedly held up to myself, matters little in the larger scheme of things.

in the light of this, it therefore annoys me to no end that i still manage to get caught up in life's petty little disagreements. i know how little effect it has on my life as a whole, i know how lowly it ranks amongst the other things i value. and yet.

and yet, it bothers me. it eats at me like a worm that works its way to the core of an apple. it starts at the periphery and i manage to keep it at bay as i think to myself: you know that none of this is going to matter a year from now - 

and yet. it worms its way to the core and takes residence in my heavy heart. sigh.

note to self:

these people do not matter, so focus on the ones who do. hold your paranoia in check and calm the storm brewing in your heart. As much as you feel indignant, this is one fight that is not worth the time or effort. instead, be clam, be composed and ride it out. there is no need to defend yourself to anyone - you are your own counsel, and that is enough. stay close to the ones who love and trust you. 

this too, shall pass.

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time
And hung me on a line
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you


"Why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?"
~Haruki Murakami

5 56am

write paper, write paper, please write paper.

all this restless energy keeps me pacing around the room and has reduced my attention span to just about 5 seconds. i want to get up, i sit down; i lie down, i want to run around. I cant seem to settle on any one thing and the paper due on friday looms overhead. i want to write it, i WANT to write it. but i dont seem to want to write it.

my thoughts are all over the place, and how weak i am about all this is starting to bug me. where is the motivation when you need it most?

jetlag? maybe.

but maybe more than that. it's the crazy buzzing that's going on in my head, and the nest of insects crawling in my stomach. any moment now, i'm going to open my mouth, my mind and these little black creepy crawly things that masquerade themselves as thoughts are gonna come spilling out. they will then disappear in a poof of smoke just as i attempt to squish them flat with a rolled up newspaper.

if only i could harness this restless energy into a bottle and use it when motivation comes around, however rare that may be.

energy - motivation = utter waste of space/time

ARGH.

"Just pretend you're in a movie. Be as brave and as full of love as the main character. Because we all need to believe in movies, sometimes."


- this one reminds me of you.

General theory of Love

The neurally ingrained Attractors of one lover warp the emotional virtuality of the other, shifting emotional perceptions - what he feels, sees, knows. When somebody loses his partner and says a part of him is gone, he is more right than he thinks. A portion of his neural activity depends on the presence of that other living brain. Without it, the electric interplay that makes up him has changed. Lovers hold keys to each other's identities, and they write neurostructural alterations into each other's networks. Their limbic tie allows each to influence who the other is and becomes.

For those who attain it, the benefits of deep attachment are powerful - regulated people feel whole, centered, alive. With their physiology stabilized from the proper source, they are resilient to the stresses of daily life, or even to those of extraordinary cicumstance.

Because relationships are mutual, partners share a single fate: no action benefits one and harms the other. The hard bargainer, who thinks he can win by convincing his partner to meet his needs while circumventing hers, is doomed. Withholding reciprocation cripples a healthy partner's ability to nourish him; it poisons the well from which she draws the sustenance she means to give. A couple shares in one process, one dance, one story. Whatever improves that one benefits both; whatever detracts hurts and weakens both lives.

hap·pen·stance [ˈhæpənˌstæns]

n.

A chance circumstance: "love loomed only as an outgrowth of happenstance; you met a person" (Bruce Weber).

sometimes the feeling of picking up the phone to tell you i miss you gets terribly overwhelming. then i remember that those three words have been said the day before, and the day before that...and the day before that. i put down the phone again, chiding myself for being so weak. 


2 mins later, i get a text,


" Sam dear, why do i always feel that something's missing when i'm not talking to you?"


i smile to myself, thinking, 


"me too."

Doubt thou, the Starres are fire,
Doubt, that the Sunne doth moue:
Doubt Truth to be a Lier,
But neuer Doubt, I loue.


Hamlet, Shakespeare.

there's a fallen angel in my honey/

there is a strange humming in my head, it feels like the beginning of a thought (which usually starts from a sentiment), yet one i fear to bring to full form.

so, in times like these when i dont want clarity, i dont want to know what this unsettling feeling at the pit of my stomach is, when i dont want to chase down thoughts that dont make me happy, i run to my oldest form of comfort. comfort in the words of those wiser than myself, written to no one in particular but with someone in mind.

in this case, the author of the day will be Neil Gaiman. it's strange really, cos i've never read any of his books but i stalk his blog like a fan (see http://journal.neilgaiman.com)

reading about his life in his own words allows me to, even if just momentarily, be someone else for awhile. his writing is clean and personal in a way that is comforting. he talks about the everyday things in his life and you can clearly see how writing is such an integral part of his life, it's almost as if he turned waking up to have cereal for breakfast into a career.

sometimes
you wake up,
sometimes
you die from the fall,
and sometimes,
when you fall,
you fly.

which will it be now, i guess only time will tell.

because i'm more scared than i've ever been in my life, i thought i should make a note to myself:

everything seems daunting before you go through it. and in the hardest of times, when work is piling up and you wonder if you can do it and why you chose to put yourself through this, remember that these things will be worth it. Remember the excitement, remember the reasons you had for doing the things you do, and find within you, the passion and joy you had. and most of all, believe in yourself and know that whatever it may be, you can do this.

So take it one step at a time, and anticipate not what is to come, for the future will work itself out somehow.
have faith.

and because sometimes my faith is not strong enough, it's always good to remind myself of others' words:

"you're out of your comfort zone now. almost a panic zone, but you'll need to get there more often if you want to grow, to achieve and be more than you thought you could be. this is your chance.

i know you can do it. you can handle this"

words to start the year

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars; 
you have a right to be here. 
And whether or not it is clear to you, 
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. 
Therefore be at peace with God, 
whatever you conceive Him to be, 
and whatever your labors and aspirations, 
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. 
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, 
it is still a beautiful world. 
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
 
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds 

Admit impediments. Love is not love 

Which alters when it alteration finds, 

Or bends with the remover to remove: 

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark 

That looks on tempests and is never shaken; 

It is the star to every wandering bark, 

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Shakespeare, Sonnet 116