antsyness

there's a mess in my head and an itch in my bones.

the restlessness is there, it always is. Sometimes it fades into the background, sometimes it's so faint, it is little more than a shadow.
But it's there, it always is.

i dont know what it is that i'm looking for, or whether i'll find it.
i dont know if it's out there or if it even exists.
but right now it feels like my skin cant contain the whole of me, that sth deep inside is struggling to get out.

and i cant put it into words, i cant tell you what the problem is, because i dont know. and as i slowly fall apart and put myself together day by day, i need you to be patient, to sit and understand that all the silent moments in between? is me trying to unscramble the hairball of thoughts in my head.

I need you to be a friend, a soulmate and a lover all at once.

it is at times like these that i realise how lonely i am.
our worlds are built around the connections that we make to the people around us, and i feel like i've lost a lot of connections along the way and i cant seem to open up myself enough to make new ones. and that leaves me with a whole bunch of loose ends, like telephone wires with nothing on the other side.