my heart hurts, i wake up thinking of you, I go to sleep thinking of you, I dream about you.

Once upon a time, I saw a whole future with you, the places we will go, the adventures we will have and the home we will build together.

I've never met someone whose vision of their life lines up as closely to mine.

But maybe what they say is true, someone can be everything you thought you wanted, but if they aren't ready or they dont want you as much as you want them, they still aren't the right person for you.

let it go.

It's always been you

Lisbon 2017

Sydney 2016

Sentosa 2010

Goals for the 2nd half of the year:

1) Get an amazing job in a developing country
2) Find a great successor and leave company in even better hands
3) Holiday somewhere with snow in Dec
4) Get my diving license
5) learn to cook at least 5 great dishes
6) learn to be less stubborn, to seek to understand more and defend less, admit it when someone calls me out on sth

Looking forward

When I date again (if I do), I want to look for someone to spend the rest of my life with.

There is no loss in losing someone who doesn't meet my standards. So my job then is to:
1) know what my standards are and ensure that they are realistic
2) be clear to whoever I date about what my standards are from the start (but in a nice way)
3) stand firm on my standards

Beyond that, I do need to let everything else go. There is a danger in turning wants into expectations. And the magic is in finding a good balance.

So the next time you find someone you have an amazing chemistry with, learn to let go of your fears, and allow yourself to fall, so wholeheartedly in love with them, without holding back, because that's the only way of knowing if it will work out.

If you can't find a right person, be one

I want to be worthy of respect, with principles, a life of my own and career aspirations that I am working actively towards. take my time to get to know my partner (with all their stories, complexities, vulnerabilities, strengths and flaws) and appreciate him in his entirety and not just the parts that are attractive or easy to love. Above all, respect what is important to him, even if I don't understand it fully. I want to be a person who is committed - to my partner, to our relationship (and our future family) and to creating the life we want together. Who understands that all of those things will evolve and change over time, and is ok with that.

Love is a choice, and I want to choose our love everyday and do whatever it takes to make it work, even when it's hard, even when it's easier to walk away, even when it hurts. At the same time, I want to accept who I am and love myself enough to know what I deserve. Inspire others to be a better person by being an example of how things should be. I want to be a person who never needs others to be perfect, but holds them to certain standards because I believe so wholeheartedly in them. Yet be humble enough to know that I am flawed and is committed to becoming a better person. I want to be kind, love my friends and family and treat people with respect and compassion, especially the elderly, animals and the less fortunate. I want to prioritise career and family equally.

I want to be there for him, to love him and support him with tenderness and care, and remind him that he is good enough, even when he tells himself otherwise. I want to complement him, and be sufficiently grounded so that our shared life together will be whole and balanced and so that our kids will have someone to learn from where he is flawed.

I want to be attractive, in all senses of the word, be intelligent and witty and funny, share great chemistry and connection with my partner (and yes that also means the willingness to bring him into my life, share my vulnerabilities with him and let him love me). Lastly, I want to be excited about life, and all that it entails, take his hand and leap into this great big adventure.

Wherever I am, whatever I may be doing now, I look forward to being this person someday :)

Dear Lord,

Please teach my stubborn heart how to love. how to give without expecting anything in return. to find joy in making others happy. to compromise without being resentful. to be patient. to seek to understand instead of defend. to stay, instead of run away. to not be prideful. to never let the things i want make me forget the things i have. to be unafraid to love. So that one day when I find the right one, I may be able to love him wholeheartedly with all that I am. 

May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears

Breathe. I know it's scary, but it always is. You have come this way before, staring down the fork in the road, trying to decide whether to take the safe path or the riskier more uncertain one.

You have done this before, and you had made the best of it to amazing results. It wasnt easy, but it sure was worth it, and you can do it again. 

So believe in yourself, and know that ultimately, whatever choice you make will be the best one (cos you're certainly more than capable of making the best of it!)

Conversations with my heart

You have come so far, and have so much further to go. The world is your oyster, you just need to dare to dive right in.

So take a deep breath and know that a world of opportunities lay before you, and that it will all work out for the best somehow. So relish the excitement that wells up in you, as you take a step towards the next chapter in your life.

After all, you can only connect the dots backwards right? ;)

I have finally come to accept that I cannot change anybody. I cannot train someone to be a certain way if they dont want to be. I can only be clear about my standards and boundaries and be prepared to walk away if they are being breached.

So I really need to ask myself, if nth changed about them, am I willing to accept them for everything that they currently are?