as i type my customary end-of-year/new year post in the last few hours of 2009, it strikes me how fast this year has been.

The year of 2009 was an odd one.
i spent a great deal of it in anticipation of the future;
building dreams, tearing them down, and building them up again.
as compared to the many years before, this year seems to have brought very little in terms of personal growth or real achievements.
it was a year of tying up loose ends (NRP, ASEAN 09, Xperience)
and attempts in crystalball gazing.
it was a year of making decisions based on uncertain predictions, and at times, pure speculation.
it was a year of difficult questions, and hours of being stuck in my head doesnt seem to have shed any light whatsoever.

nonetheless, i am thankful. this year has given me a love so amazing that i cannot possibly not be grateful. it isnt perfect, and it isnt easy, but it makes me happy and content, and it gives me strength. thank you.

as always, my friends have been a constant i cannot live without. they are the ones who make this journey worthwhile. they've shared my dreams, disappointments and everything in between. thank you for reminding me of who i am, and for finding the quirkiest stories to cheer me up. I can only hope I’ve been there for all of you as much as you have been here for me.

the year of 2010 is going to be a hard one.
i will be made to question everything i thought i wanted
and deal with reality in a way i've never had to before.
it will test my flexibility and my adaptability.
it will be emotionally draining and will wear at my faith -
in myself and in what i can do.
for once, in a long while, there will be no safety net to catch me should i fall.
i cannot see beyond the next few days,
and that scares me more than i'm willing to admit.
it will be difficult, and i dont think i'm emotionally or mentally prepared for it.
but time doesnt stand still simply cos man wills it,
it trudges on with little reference to our wishes or expectations
and the sooner i learn to deal with that, the better, really.

despite all that,
it is a new year and the start of a new decade.
with it comes the excitement and anticipation of new beginnings.
Like an empty canvas waiting to be filled, that blank space isn’t a vacuum, but rather an emporium of possibilities.
Like Rudyard kipling once said,

“If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it”

here's to a good one everybody,
may the year ahead be filled with wonder and adventure:)


31/12/09

that first look, uncertain, yet familiar. me, just hugging you, with the urgency of one who has been away for too long. us, realising that despite it all, my hand still slips into yours, ever so naturally, as your feet fall into step beside mine.

twilight, by the beach in the fading sunlight. a blue box, a silver pendant; no 3 words have ever sounded so precious. that look on your face as you asked if you could kiss me. me, falling into your lap, accidentally-on-purpose of cos. your hand on my heart and my, what beautiful kisses.

christmas trees, all lined up in a row. pretty decorations (for the taking). a silver heart and a delicate snowflake, you, very much an accomplice. us, sneaking into the orchid gardens. you, me, and unpredictable flowers. a beautiful pavillion, hidden almost. your arms around me, my hands in your hair. me, discovering a whole other side of you as i bury my face in your neck. us, just the two of us, and kisses - everywhere.

our fears, our apprehensions. the strangeness of doubletime. videotaping analogies. 3 months, or 5? will it be a year, or merely 3 and a half months? me, in truth and vulnerability, and utterly scared. "i'm afraid of losing you"

" If you knew how much trouble the universe went to for us to be here, now, standing in front of each other, you'd know we're going to have to be careful.

Plankton and plants and canals, a hundred suns, a thousand sailing ships, ten thousand civilizations, a million, million, million first kisses from all our mothers and fathers.

We owe it to them, to be careful. "

Mon 23 nov to Fri 4 dec - SAL JC law programme (+ attachment to TKQP)

Fri 27 nov - twilight + shopping with limei & co.
 
Sat 5 dec - Graduation
 
Sun 6 dec - shopping with michele
 
Mon 7 dec - oxford phone interview
 
Tues 8 dec - prom + forbidden city + crashed Kailin's place
 
Wed 9 dec - recovering from the high of the day before. 

Thurs 10 dec - lunch with yifan
 
Fri 11 dec - cycling with kailin & co.
                    forbidden city with audrey & co.
 
Sat 12 dec - free day
 
Sun 13 dec - brunch with stephen @ mimolette
                     movie, dinner and a walk on the beach with gaius
 
Mon 14 dec - sick
 
Tue 15 dec - ice-skating with steffi & co.

                     dinner + drinks with Calvin
 
Wed 16 dec - Su's birthday (the one with the sunflowers)
                       dinner + drinks with leon
 
Thurs 17 dec - Su's birthday (the one with the roses) + timbre@artshouse
 
Fri 18 dec - lunch with ben
                   botanic gardens with gaius
 
Sat 19 dec - Visit ah gong
 
Sun 20 dec - cookie baking with michele
                     schedule planning (on a starbucks napkin) with gaius
                     dinner with gaius and my parents @ fish&co.

                     (gaius gets psyched)

Mon 21 dec - lunch with gaius and friends
                      night safari

Tues 22 dec - unexpected free day

Wed 23 dec - ASEAN meeting in school

                      Musuem and a lot of photos

                      icing christmas cookies with michele

Thurs 24 dec - christmas eve shopping

Fri 25 dec - Christmas day (orchard, with lotsa rain and heaps of people)

                   a very lovely christmas dinner with the family

Sat 26 dec - lunch with ben at T3 (pseudo mice, a pretty green dress and snowflakes)

                    gaius' bday (blue boxes and pretty ribbons. pictures, words and a great view)

Sun 27 dec - mum's bday, lunch at BTGH (nice trees, overlooking botanic gardens)

Mon 28 dec - avatar + marina barrage with gaius (need to go back again someday)

Tues 29 dec - sherlock holmes + gaius flies halfway round the globe.