This too shall pass.

I am exhausted. Too many late nights, too little sleep, to many "I can't do this"s running through my head. I am exhausted in ways I didnt think possible, aching and hurting in places I didnt know I could. 

More than anything I wonder why I do this to myself. I feel like shaking myself and screaming Sam, stop testing your limits this way. Do you want to break under the stress? Are you only going to be satisfied when you've reached the point where it all becomes too much? How far are you willing to go before you admit that this is not healthy anymore? How far are you willing to risk it?

Amidst all of this, there is an emotional weariness that I can't shake. This rollarcoaster ride of being unproductive-freakingout-andbeingunproductivesomemore is really tearing up my emotions. Although I've  gone through similar periods of stress before, I don't think I've ever had to go through one as prolonged as this one, and frankly part of me is just waiting for the moment when I fall apart and give up so that at least I wont have to stress out over this anymore.

But I know that this too shall pass, 

and holding on to that gives me the strength to keep going.

I look ahead to the weeks before me, the months, the coming year. i glance at the calender, i scan through my planner. the dates rush past me.like how time would as well? i wonder.
i see the filled days - deadlines to meet, meetings to attend, a life to live.the immensity of the many things is overwhelming, but it carries echoes of many not-so-distant pasts.why does it all feel so familiar?
i have come this way before. in fact, this journey is so well traveled, i have left a path where there was none. why is it then that each time i trod down this lane i fail to recognise the stones that line the cold ground, that the second left turn surprises me still?
take a good look around,recognise that you are no stranger to this,and like all the other times when the dark forest of trees had given way to open skies,this time too will be no different.
you can do this.
believe that in the end,everything will be alright. 

You can do this.

you have held me in every way possible.

I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this.I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this.

I have to.