it's been too long since i last blogged really. so much has happened in this compressed time that recent memory seems like ages ago. i guess time is measured in change rather than in continuity.
with change comes tension, and i feel it most keenly now. tension, when the desire to revert to familar ways pulls against the knowledge that new methods are required. tension, when the the human inclination towards the safe pulls against the want of opportunity. this is mad, that's what it is; i feel like i'm continuously scopping water out of a boat with a hole at the bottom. time is never enough and i am always, always short of breath.
reading my own words back to me helps somewhat with the confusion. it helps me remember who i am and what i do this for. it also helps me remember that this is not entirely new, and like everything else before it, this too shall pass.
School has been interesting (for lack of a better word). it has been filled with new experences, new people. i've met people who never stop surprising me and others who've showed me that everyone is unique and who they are, with all their beauty and flaws, is enough.
as i find my footing in this new terrain, i think it is apt that i put a reminder right here for my future self:
this is a world of imperfection, of inadequacy, of drudgery;
but this is also a world of beauty, love and wonder.
you've been given a great opportunity, do not waste it.
you have come to be challenged and your effort is the necessary price;
do not settle for mediocrity for you deserve only your best.
at the end of the day, know that you are stronger than your fears.
hold on to the excitment of new knowledge, to your childlike curiosity
for when you are exhausted and each step weighs heavier than the last
it is that sense of wonder that will pull you through.
know that you will come out of this wiser and a better person.
