it's been too long since i've written anything here proper.

writing these days dont come to me as naturally as it used to.

inspiration seems so hard to hold on to; i have too much i want to say and too little patience to iron out the folds of my thoughts.

at the same time, it feels like things are happening too fast for me to really absorb. before i can respond and work through what i feel and think, the next thing hits and it gets relegated to the far recesses of my brain in that unsettling way of unfinished business.

now tho, i'm starting to realise that i need to write. i need to organise my thoughts in a way that only happens when i pen them down. i need to find time to reflect, understand and accept. it was a mistake on my part to think that writing could ever be replaced by conversation. As important as both are to me, the patience and effort involved, and in the process, the benefits they provide for my state of mind, are hardly ever the same.

So here begins my resolutions for the new year (rather belatedly i know):

1.) take time to write.

not just when an epiphany hits, but about the everyday things as well.

2.) read more.
Somehow any past attempt at reading has gone no further than creating a reading list. i wanna start reading some of Fitzgerald's works, Adam Fould's The Truth About These Strange Times, and i really must hunt down John Greene's Looking for Alaska. ( oh and a part of me wants to go back and reread David Eddings and harry potter, but i think i'll keep that for later)

3.) try and live in the present as much as i can.

as much as foresight and advance planning are very valuable skills to have, there is so much you can lose in spending too much time in your head - be it dreading the inevitable, or anticipating what may come.

4.) appreciate the little things.

i've made this resolution before and have obviously lost sight of it recently, but it remains sth i'd like to hold on to.

5.) learn to live with the choices i've made.

this one's been harder than i thought at times, nonetheless i need to believe that i know what is right for me, and that at the end of the day, it'll all work out for the best.

i once told someone that happiness was a choice, and i guess now's as good a time as any to follow my own advice. keeping the above resolutions will come with their own challenges, be it a matter of time, energy or plain discipline. nonetheless, it is the start of a new decade, and a great time to try sth new.

So, with my resolutions all penned out neatly,

wish me luck! :)

24/1/10