let's start again.
from the beginning.

smile at each other,
nervously,
wonderingly,
hopefully.
make small talk,
try to be interesting.
hope he finds you funny, beautiful, charming.

Smile too long, stare too hard.
look away too fast.
taste nothing of the food, but say it's delicious anyway.
think, "who is this guy?
what thoughts keep him up at night? what dreams fill his mind?"
dissect his words,
is he malignant or benign?

ask all the right questions
oh you have a brother? oh you love reading. Me too!
wonder at the similarities, ignore the differences.
still your fluttering heart
every time he looks your way.
see the tenderness in his eyes, the awe
and melt just a little inside.

feel beautiful, feel loved, feel precious,
feel scared.
reach out to touch him,
but hold back.
show him the breadth and length and depth of who you are,
throw your arms wide open to say,
love me or love me, this is me,
and pray, pray so hard,
that it'll be enough.

kiss him nervously, kiss him tenderly, kiss him lovingly,
kiss him excitedly,
note down everything.
the softness of his lips, the folds and creases,
how they part ever so slightly.
File the facts away in your memory.
completely useless information,
but in that moment completely significant,
and you'll never wonder why.

realise you love him,
in between buying a sandwich and choosing what to drink
try to decide how you feel about it.
scold your heart for being unwieldy.
bad heart, why have you gone and given yourself away?
feel happy
feel scared,
feel everything in between they have yet invented words for.
feel..calm.

i love him.
you whisper to yourself
I love him.

wonder if he feels the same way too.
omg, wonder if he feels the same way too
watch the colours change and the world grow light
when he tells you, i love you.

and know that you have never been more safe,
or more in danger than you have before.

yes, let's fall in love all over again.
from the beginning.